Learning to Bounce

Michael Laffey, Learning to Bounce, Resilience, ABC Model, Perspectives

 “Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also” – Carl Jung

Believe it or not, I’m not always Mr Life is Bloomingly Wonderfully Positive. Dreaming the dream, finding the goal and planning the path all have their place. Yes, we have those times. We need them and they inspire us. They are a key part of how we define & measure ourselves. Even how we re-create ourselves over time.

What matters most to me is being able to bounce back when times are hard. Those tough times are highly personalised. There could be any combination of events ranging across family, relationship, health, work, financial or home issues.  That’s managing real life.

Silver Linings And All That

And it is the very fact that times are hard that in some way allows us to bounce back and grasp it fully. The metaphoric fall or the downward spiral of difficulty followed by the impact.  The crunch moment. And it’s the impact, the place of break or bounce, where we recover.

At that moment of impact, we become incredibly honest with ourselves. The moment of impact is when we let ourselves go and become honest with ourselves. The “che sera sera” moment. Up to that moment we’ve been tense and fighting what we don’t want.  It can be a tough time but also a time when we learn the most about ourselves.

Against a backdrop of our current situation, we become absolutely honest about who we are and everything that encapsulates in terms of our vulnerability and our strengths.

From it:

– We draw upon our strengths to move ourselves onwards and upwards again

– We learn how resilient we are  (and often expand upon it)

– We discover how adaptable we can be.

The A-B-C Model

How could there not be a theory to hinge this on?!

There is a model called the ABC Model. Briefly:

A = the activating event – i.e. the thing that happened to you

B = the belief you held at that time – i.e.  you could call this your mood or how you felt

C = the consequential outcome – i.e. the sum of what happened to you as a result of how you felt about it

The important thing here is how you react/perceive/see the event that is happening to you.

Bounce!

An event alone is not an indication of what will happen going forward. Your perception & approach can  influence the result.

There may be times when, perhaps, you can’t necessarily change the event. But what you can influence is how you manage it; exerting less or more control and maybe even influencing your number of choices.

A range of things to consider could be:

– Assess your levels of exposure, number of options, who and what you know already

– How objective are we being? Look at the situation from multiple angles. How we feel will influence our creativity, so try and look at all angles and viewpoints. Look at the situation from the outside so that you are not trapped by any sense of panic or negativity

And The Message Is?

– When it’s a hard time or event in your life you are more resilient to it than you may appreciate. Allow yourself to land, embrace it and you will bounce back

– How you embrace or perceive an event will influence the outcome, including where you land or how high you bounce back. A bounce is better than a break. You are not inert. Neither are you powerless nor passive. If you are involved in it you can influence it

“Its not what happens to a man, it’s how he deals with it that matters”

Michael Laffey Life Coach, Michael Laffey, Life Coach

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  1. Such words of wisdom. This is so true even in our darkest moments there is something deep within that is trying to find the solution. It takes me back to the old adage of ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’.

    Sometimes when you are in ‘it’ it doesn’t necessarily feel as though you are dealing with ‘it’. But you probably are. It’s taking that time to sit back assess the situation and re-evaluate and act.

    Being one that has bounced back despite the fact that I thought at the time I was broken. I whole heartedly agree that it is better to bounce than break.

    Thank you Michael, this came at a time when I needed that gentle reminder xx

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