What if -v- If only
This will be a short sharp post. Nothing more than a personal reflection.
I’m not one for too many rules as I find them constraining, but I do have a few guiding principles.
One of them is to avoid saying “if only”. Fate has its place but not when it comes to being the master of one’s own destiny 🙂
Looking back and prefacing situations with ‘if only’ is pointless. Whatever happened, happened. It’s better to acknowledge that than to pine over it.
Progress is made through a combination of being honest about the now and to assess options (they really don’t have to be detailed to get the ball rolling).
Swapping “if only” for “what if” changes passive fate into a set of actions with desired outcomes.
Reflection: If only I had taken that course.
Reflection: If only I had left that place/job/relationship.
These are sad statements.
Better to change how you question the situation…
Q: What if I took that course?
A1: I could speak that language on holiday
A2: I could work as a such n such
A3: I would be one step closer to being qualified in…
Q: What if I left that job?
A1: I’d need to make sure I had a safety net of money. Do I have that? Can I create that? Why do I want to move?
A2: I need to find agencies or contacts. Do I have those? Where do I find some?
A3: I could go live somewhere else? When did I last look at the area? What do I know about it today? Who do I know there? Does the location still work for me?
A4: I could go work at such n such a company or profession? Why do I want to work there? What does it give me? What does it change?
The key difference for me is that prefacing a situation with ‘if only’ comes with an inherent sigh and regret. Whereas ‘what if’ provides options, creates steps and instigates progress.
‘If only’ I’d posted this sooner!